The Context of Forgiveness
Forgiven; therefore….
Theology profs are fond of saying that when we see a therefore we should see what it is there for. This post is a continuation on the theme of forgiveness (see I beg your pardon Sept 2011 in the archive at http://whatdoyouknowforsure.tumblr.com) and in that sense the therefore is a reference to the previously developed thought. In a larger frame, the therefore is there for the context of forgiveness.
My brain orders the activities related to forgiveness into a cycle. There is the cause of pain > confession > repentance > reconciliation > and restoration. I treat it like a cycle. I also treat it like an exchange that occurs in relationship between the offender and the victim. I do this because I like order and I like to impose it on messy systems. I also like others to take responsibility for my failure to forgive, to repent, and to make things right. It’s comforting and convenient. Jed Bartlett would say it is also a logical fallacy, a post hoc, ergo propter hoc(after this, therefore caused by this).
What scripture teaches is riskier and more chaos friendly. Let’s use an example where you betray me in some way (yes, I am using you as the example). I’d like my obligation to forgive to be based on your prior confession, perhaps even your evidenced repentance. But, the therefore doesn’t support that because God forgives based on grace rather than behavior (see Rm 5:8). So I need to forgive you regardless of your attitude and action.
When I think of it as a transaction, where you confess and I forgive you, I treat it like a reset button. Because you said the magic mia culpa you get 490 do-overs? (Mt 18:22). In truth, I need to forgive you not to be in relationship with you, but to be in right relationship with God. Whether He would require me to be in relationship with an unrepentant recidivist (aka human) is a case-by-case decision. Forgiveness needs to be extended, even if the conversation is only with God and you can’t or won’t hear it, because my healing won’t happen without it. When I feel justified in withholding forgiveness the sin is mine.
The quality of our relationship will reflect the trust that is shared. For that there will need to be repentance and reconciliation. So, let’s get something straight. Forgiveness does not equal do-over. It does not mean that we are not going to talk about it. It does mean that the environment where healing and trust can occur has been chosen. But forgiveness does not heal anything on its own, it may allow us to talk candidly about the current state of our trust and build together toward restoration.
What if I refuse to be in relationship with you? Do I have the power to keep you from being restored? Of course I don’t, because God’s grace applies to you regardless of my reaction. You don’t get to use my hard heart as an excuse any more than I get to use my victim status to avoid growth, healing, and responsibility.
Restoration happens when we truly repent (i.e. turn around and go the other way). It happens when we face and learn from the crazy, destructive things we have done. It happens when we recognize harmful patterns in our lives and begin to correct them by God’s power. This is gutsy stuff that takes prayer, discomfort, and endurance if we are to be a part of God’s plan to restore the years the locusts have eaten (from Joel 2:25).
God’s forgiveness allows a life of repentance, rather than perpetual confession sans change. It permits freedom to break away from the past, from denial, and from self-justification. It offers us the opportunity, but not the right, to be an agent of healing where we had brought hurt.
In the context of forgiveness we are free to grow and change. The only grateful response would be to do so.