A hero at the gate?

There is a slice of King David’s history that could be a reality show.  Everyone thinks they are the hero and there is no one to like. 

The name of Absalom is leadership shorthand in my head.  But, when I spoke it aloud recently I did it knowing in the moment that I would likely be misunderstood.  His name has become synonymous with rebellion.  His contempt for his father and king culminated in a coup and a civil war.  But that is not the whole story; he started as a leader who was passionate about justice.

When Absalom’s sister was raped his call for justice fell on deaf ears.  He expected his wise warrior father to take action.  But David fell into the oldest sin of leadership; he stood by knowing what needed to be done and did nothing.  So, Absalom took action.  He filled the leadership void and killed the offender. Then, rather than the reward he thought he deserved; he was exiled, rejected by his king.

Later, David allowed him to return and failed as a leader by withholding both justice and reconciliation.  By this time the bitterness of rejection combined Absalom’s inflated entitlement.  While David withdrew to the castle Absalom once again filled a need by sitting in the gate and hearing the concerns of the people.  This built his ego and his popularity.  The entire time he probably felt justified by his heroic victim status.  I can hear him passionately lobbying for his father’ favor, defending his choice to do the right thing when no one else would.  He would later use his father’s failure to listen as justification for leading rebellion.

So the shorthand in my mind about Absalom is that when there is a leadership void you will find Absalom in the gate.  Absaloms vary in gender, age, maturity, and motivation.  He may be manipulative young man in a company or mature woman filling a legitimate need in a hurting family.

It is tempting to reduce a cautionary tale like this to a pithy life lesson.  However, this is not a parable. It is a history about a father, a son, their family, and their advisors.  All were fatally flawed, as we are, and pointed to the need for a redeemer.  It is easy to blame David for abdicating his responsibility, or Absalom for his narcissism, or the self-serving bystanders. 

The magnitude of their tragic lives can distract from the similarity we share.  Grading on a curve would have me feeling superior. But, if I look at the behavior and motivations I must admit to have at times fallen into David’s pattern passivity.  I have been the self-justifying firebrand.  I’ve likely been the opportunistic onlooker as well. All take their turn in the story as hero and villain.

When the anointed head fails to lead then another will eventually fill the leadership void.  This creates crises of loyalty and double binds in our lives as it did for David and his son.  One can imagine a narrative at any point in the story to merit the action or inaction of each of the characters in that moment. The reality is that we justify ourselves the same way. 

If we can benefit from this story it is by recognizing the predictable patterns we humans so readily fall into. We always see ourselves as the protagonist of our own story.  But, if we truly embrace God’s grace we can accept that our motives and actions, as well as our perspective, are mixed. 

The hope for Absalom is that he sees himself with grace that allows for a change of heart.  This is the opposite of the self-aggrandizement that leads to his destruction. This is a humility that allows him to question his own motives.  This is a humility that opens the door to invite accountability.  The humility to invite and accept the painful truth spoken in love.  

If any of the participants had embraced that grace then perhaps the story of David and Absalom would end differently. May grace change our stories as well.