Self Obsession
It is generally accepted that we need to like ourselves more. If we liked ourselves more we would be more successful in life and we would all live in perfect harmony. How is that working out for you; yeh, me neither. Honestly, whether we like ourselves little or much the problem has always been our self-centeredness.
Finding our way to a healthy view of ourselves is difficult. Very different experiences have brought us to this current state. Those experiences leave us knowing we are lost in the woods without compass or reference points. Paul said it this way in Rm 2:15, “They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them.”
Some are sad and confused because they were bought up on the you are special lie, the one that means better than and is based on nothing in particular. One of the problems with being puffed up by a lie is that you know it, and it makes one feel hollow.
Others were told heinous lies and or even physically hurt by people who should have loved them well. Liars who spilled over the pain and evil they were full of. I’m expected to say something conciliatory here about people doing the best they can and victims passing on what was done to them. But people have and make choices. I’ve known with far too many people who wear their victim status as a badge and a reason to resist risk and healing. I have been privileged to know others, deeply wounded by the worst experiences, who choose to see the past as where they’re from rather than who they are. They reject the lies and choose the truth, daily, and refuse to pass on their pain.
As we seek our way through this we compare ourselves to others, ranking our progress and value. This is an empty exercise as there is ultimately only one comparison to consider, as Paul puts it in Rm 2:16 “…on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges all men by Christ Jesus”. Well, then we are undone. The standard is Jesus and we all fall well short of perfection. Paul’s good news, however, is that God is not done. He not only compares me to Jesus and finds me wanting, but he makes up the vast difference with his Grace.
We think about ourselves and what we think others thought back then, or may think now. And it gets in the way of living. This is self-obsession. We need to get over ourselves. Only then will we enjoy being ourselves, and being in relationship with God and others.
We have talked about how we got into this mess. We have talked about God’s view of us individually and how that should matter, how it should change how we see and value ourselves. It should, but it doesn’t. We treat God like our grandma and discount His love. Grandma always says I’m special; she has to say that because she’s my grandma. How crazy is that? Grandma’s opinion is diluted by her unconditional affection for me and must therefore be rejected. Now add to that the fact that Grandma created the universe and designed you in particular; knows you inside out, every behavior and intention, AND smiles with joy when he looks your direction. Completely known and dearly loved.
Another reason we discount God’s take on things is that he is not physically present in a way that makes it easy to relate to him as a person. I was feeling this distance from God in a rather pointedly of recent when I had my perspective challenged in a rather comforting way. I was reading Hearing God by the late Dallas Willard; here is the passage that confronted me: “The material world in which we were placed by God permits him to be nearer to us even than our own eyes, ears, or brain are near. It is in him that we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28) Conversational life with God – or prayer- is not hindered by space or distance. When you speak to God, it is like speaking to someone next to you….If we think God is literally outside the physical realm, then it will seem as if he is utterly out of reach for us and we out of reach for him”. I’m practicing this belief, not to make it more real, but so that it will be more apparent to me.
I want to be very practical about this, to ease and accelerate us to maturity in this area. Earlier I encouraged the memorization of scripture practice believing the truth about our worth. An important distinction must be made here to avoid a religious ritual (read works based legalism) that is an effort to earn our worth through practice. Practice does not make perfect, practice makes permenant. It will help us to entrench a belief that the scripture is true, but it will not reach me if I remain unconvinced that the truth applies to me. The heart of this disbelief is an incomplete grasp of the gospel. Many Christians fully accept their forgiveness of sin and justification by Christ’s suffering on our behalf. What we have trouble with is the concept of our adoption as dearly loved children. We do not yet fully grasp that the affection we have for those we love most is puny in comparison to his love for each of his adopted children.
As we move further into practical matters of growing to seeing ourselves properly and loving ourselves well we need to move beyond practice. We can move beyond practicing the truth and begin relating to the truth. The truth is not a concept to be grasped, the truth is a person. Jesus described himself as the truth (Jn 14:6) and if we abide with him he will set us free (Jn 8:36). Relating to the truth has become much more than practicing the truth. Having a relationship with Truth allows me to stop striving for change; it allows me to submit to the Truth and to let him change me.
I will not be changed by force of will to believe a truth, but by submission to the absolute truth. Not by might or power but by his Spirit we change (Zech 4:6). As in any relationship we risk and trust and learn to trust accordingly. It’s all about the strength of the Truth, it’s not about me.